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⚠️ Approved Under Duress

All referenced Gerch-Verse media was approved under conditions of limited compute, degraded output, and immediate regret.

Further refinement was considered and unanimously rejected.
💰 PROFITS: Q5+

Join the Gerchan Farms Family

Where careers go to become "acceptable."

URGENT

Celestial Cow (Junior)

Orbital Gulag • Infinite Tenure • No Benefits

Seeking dedicated bovine deity for 24/7 milk production. Previous planetary nourishment experience preferred. Must supply infinite golden udder output with zero complaints.

OPEN

Escape Pod Technician

Chrono-Mythic Anomalies Division • Pod May Not Exist

Maintain and theoretically repair escape pods that only open if you can solve a riddle about quarterly earnings. Pod existence unverified. Payment in riddles.

POSITION FILLED

Amit's Mother Locator

Temporal Investigations • Since Before Time

Locate the unlocatable. Interview the un-interviewable. This position has been open since before the concept of "open." No applicants. No interviews. No existence.

Q5 PRIORITY

Milk-Slap Notary Public

Mythic Operations • Hand-Based Documentation

Stamp legal documents using only the force of a milk-slap. Must provide own udder. Notarization valid in 47 dimensions and Texas.

REPORT INSOLENCE